Some thoughts on "friction-maxxing"

Plus other things to read, watch, listen to, and think about this week.

These weekly roundup posts are for paid subscribers. “Recs” is a cultural grab bag of things to read, listen to, watch, and think about this week. Subscribe for $5/month to join in:

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Hello! Popping into your inboxes later again on a Friday, so I think it’s safe to say: Recs is now a weekend installment rather than a Friday installment. Cheers to giving ourselves more grace this year. I feel great about this and hope you do, too - I’d rather send you something I feel good about rather than something that feels rushed.'

On that note, I was not expecting so many reactions to this week’s earlier post, but I’m so happy it resonated with so many of you. WE WANT LESS SHIT junking up our brains this year!! Please consider forwarding it to your friends, enemies, etc.

One quick announcement: I will be at East City Bookshop in Washington, D.C., in conversation with author Olivia Muenter on February 4th to chat about her new novel, Little One! I believe tickets are sold out, but you can visit the event site here to grab virtual tickets. Tix are free.

Above the paywall today, let’s chat about the Emily Henry of it all.

And under the paywall this week: Unpacking the toxic mom groups piece, are we really friction-maxxing?, a snail mail revival, hot dudes reading, my new favorite makeup artist, the new-to-me newsletter I am gobbling up, IVF’s progress, and thoughts on escapism.

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A DOWNTIME APPETIZER

Three fun things…

1. East Fork kindly sent me a sample from their new hand soap line, which I will gladly support as it smells divine. The real headline, though, is this limited-edition color, a perfect Downtimey, misty blue. I own it in the $14 itty bitty bowl iteration (above left).

2. I saved the above socks image from Melanie Masarin’s post about incorporating more color into her style and am mentally bookmarking bright socks + loafers for future ‘fits.

3. The life-changing magic of a pen clip. I’ve decided I need more of them for my books and reading life because I like to scribble, underline, and take notes while I read. Sadly, Papier is sold out, but this retailer has other designs in stock. I also found an Etsy seller who makes this simple brass version.

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RECS & LINKS OF THE WEEK

Things to read, listen to, watch, and think about

• The Emily Henry obsession has made it to Hollywood, a la the recent Netflix premiere of People We Meet on Vacation, one of the author’s most beloved romance books. Putting the movie aside (I was entertained enough; it did its job as an adaptation), I’m most intrigued by Henry as an author who has, thus far, shied away from sharing her life publicly on social media (and rarely posts on IG). With 10 million copies of her books sold and nearly every one adapted for TV or film, her future success is essentially guaranteed at this point. There is no need for her to establish an influencer-like cult of personality to maintain relevance and visibility — a rare privilege.

  More and more, I aspire to be a creative like her, who lets the work speak for itself. I sense other writers and authors rubbing up against the fatigue of not only doing the work but also having to build an influencer-like profile in order to beat the ever-changing IG algorithm and reach a wider audience.

  Writer Stephanie McNeal of Glamour sat down for a chat with the author in a recent profile where Henry addresses this topic:

  “When we were coming of age and becoming writers, the internet was not what it was. There was never a moment that it even crossed my mind that anyone would care about who I am. I hoped people would read my books, but I never knew anything about the writers who were writing the books I loved other than when their next book was coming out…. But now authors are somewhat expected to be influencers. It’s definitely a different age, because now with social media, you’re expected to be visible and accessible on some level.”

  This is great food for thought - I never knew or cared who JK Rowling was, only that I loved her work. This bit also caught my attention - a big part of the Emily Henry lore is that she reached such levels of fame and virality due to pandemic-era TikTok:

  “Everybody was running around trying to figure it out, and that was when we found out about somebody’s video on BookTok.”

  Isn’t it wild to think about how one BookToker’s video could have - presumably - helped establish Henry into the juggernaut that she is? Whoever that person was deserves a % of royalties, no? (I’m partly kidding.) I most appreciated hearing about Henry’s goals - where does such a successful author go from here? She mentions helping other writers break into Hollywood:

  “…my long-term goal that I am trying to figure out is how I can become an advocate for other writers in this space. I would love to be producing, and I’m really passionate about rewarding artists for their work.”

  Could Henry be gearing up to launch her own book-to-film/TV production company? That would be exciting.

  The interview also touches on a topic that’s been written about by Rena Rani on Substack: “Can Emily Henry Write Her Way Out of the Box BookTok Built?” The deeper question here is important: Can an artist pursue new ambitions while also meeting market expectations? Or are the two at odds with one another? According to the interview, it sounds like Henry is ready to combat her tendencies to be “a people pleaser” and expand her writing universe beyond romance (“something speculative or something darker”). I’m all for it. Artists and writers should have the freedom to explore and grow beyond their comfort zones. It’s a big risk (they could lose their original fans) but one worth taking, especially if their tried-and-true formula has started to feel stale or uninspiring to them. Ruthlessly chasing market demand comes at the risk of losing sight of your north star: your initial passion for the work.

• On “competency porn” and TV. (Cue: Sabrina Carpenter’s “Tears”).¹ I loved this definition of a highly specific genre of entertainment by writer Jada Yuan for the Washington Post:

  “Competency porn” is “entertainment that evokes the orgiastic pleasure of watching good people do their jobs well, enhanced by creators who care deeply about telling their stories with the best cinematic tools available.”

  It’s why we’re drawn to TV shows like “The Pitt” right now. “Industry,” “The Diplomat,” and Idris Elba in “Hijack”² are also cited as examples.

  

  Ashamed to say I have yet to watch this show…

• This was a beautiful (and hard) read from Spread the Jelly: what do we lose when we erase time? About a writer’s experience losing her own mother before she turned 30 and wrestling with our culture’s obsession with “aging with grace.” To age is a privilege. [A warning that the piece mentions infant loss.]

• Are we really friction-maxxing in 2026? This piece by Kathryn Jezer-Morton in The Cut has been making the rounds with so much enthusiasm and discussed ad nauseam that I debated including it here. But I’ll give my two cents, as I don’t agree with all the points made.