Recs #87: What do moms really want?

(Spoiler: it’s not a robe!)

Happy Friday! I’ve got a few fun links for you today and some ideas on what real moms actually want these days. Paid subscribers are getting this on Friday, and everyone else sees it a few days after.

THREE FUN RECS

1. A good TV rec: Hacks is back! Season 4 just dropped, and our favorite complicated duo is at it again. I usually tap out of a show after three seasons (they tend to lose their sparkle after that?), but this one is holding strong so far.

2. A fun read: Great Big Beautiful Life, written by the phenomenally popular romance author Emily Henry is out now! We’re all reading it together this weekend, yes? (Bonus: Saturday is Independent Bookstore Day, so if you’re grabbing a copy, consider stopping by your local indie!)

3. A jacket I’ve been eyeing: This J.Crew khaki jacket is such a good transitional piece. Through my endless style scrolling, I’ve learned that this sandy-hued neutral is the kind of thing that pulls together whatever you’re wearing—especially when you’re reaching for breezier fabrics like lace or silk, or a brighter color or bolder print. (A few more spring jacket ideas were shared earlier this week).

Bonus rec:

The best things you can give a mom this year

I polled our reader group chat about what moms really want for Mother’s Day, and while the answers varied, there was a clear throughline…

It seems we all want something so simple: alone time.

I don’t mean “alone to fold laundry” or “alone to run a quick errand” alone. I mean true, blissed-out, indulgent alone time. The kind where your brain can go quiet and your body isn’t tending to anyone else’s needs.¹

I feel the preciousness of alone time deep in my bones. Being a mom now, I totally get it. The weekdays are for the daily grind of work, daycare dropoffs and pickups, hurrying back to get dinner on the table before the bath and bedtime routine, cleaning everything up, only to crack open the laptop again to squeeze in the work you didn’t finish earlier in the day. And the weekends? The weekends are for play dates, birthday parties, family time, and juggling schedules around nap time.

And I’m not complaining. I know that these are some of the most beautiful, sweet, and full-to-the-brim moments of my life that I’ll miss one day. I’m soaking it all in. But here’s the truth: Motherhood doesn’t leave much room for solitude. And solitude—true, nourishing solitude—is what many of us crave most.

Ahhh, bliss. (Photo: Glenn Close)

All of this is to say that you don’t have to scroll through all the various gift guides to suss out what the mom in your life might want. The answer is quite simple and sweet.

Below, you’ll find a few more ideas if you’re looking for something thoughtful to gift the mom in your life (or if you’re the mom who needs an email to casually forward ;)). Some of these gift ideas are “things,” but many of them, like “alone time,” are not.

(Source: Pinterest)

Five non-gifts (that are actually the best gifts) for moms

1. A fully planned date night
As in: Book the sitter. Choose the place. Make the reservation. Handle the logistics. Slap it onto your shared Google Cal! The mom in your life will be thrilled.

2. A few candid photos
I’m going to go out on a wild limb here and say that if you have a mom in your life, especially one with smaller kids, she most likely doesn’t have a lot of good photo she likes of her with the kids, especially candids. So grab your camera and start snapping for some sweet keepsakes! You’ve probably seen the phrase “proof of mom”—we take endless photos of our kids and partners, but we rarely show up in the frame ourselves. Bonus: print and frame it (this is cute), or gift a session with a photographer. It’s the kind of thing she’ll cry over now and in thirty years.

3. Taking on a behind-the-scenes task
What’s something your partner usually does that you could take off her plate? Planning the family summer vacation? Coordinating birthday gifts? Taking this on, without being asked, is such a kind gesture. One Downtime reader says what she wants most is for her partner to do “a thorough cleaning of my stovetop and oven.” No gift wrap required!

4. A few hours to herself on the weekend

We’ve already touched on “alone time” above, so I’ll leave you with this tidbit from The Atlantic piece [*paywalled, unfortunately] by Olga Khazan about how totally exhausted moms are these days:

The experts she spoke with recommended that busy mothers take a few minutes each day for “wakeful rest”—or, in layman’s terms, for mentally zoning out.

In the end, that’s what all moms want and need: space to simply zone out and not do anything useful.

5. Someone (anyone!) to finish the baby book
This one is a joke, but is anyone else wildly behind on this?? Just me? :)

What are some other gifts or gestures that would be appreciated - or that you’ve given?

And now for some gifty ideas

If she says, “I don’t need anything,” she probably means it. But if you still want to treat the mom in your life, here are a few thoughtful things that feel personal, useful, and a little bit indulgent…

For the bookish mom

• A gift card to her local bookstore and a planned mini itinerary to help her get there (i.e. on the weekend, offer to watch the kids for an hour or two so she can go and have a browse). It’s Independent Bookstore Day this Saturday, btw!

• A reading journal, for anyone who wants to slow down and read more intentionally. I recently saw someone using a reading journal on Instagram and thought it was such a lovely idea.