I’ve been feeling like this for months. It’s extremely helpful to know that I’m not alone. I like the part about finding ambition outside of work- I’ve really focused on finding joy and happiness in my hobbies and relationships!
Hello, first born honors track daughter here! I’ve also been running my own consultancy for 8 years now. Halfhearted job applications — check. Self worth too tightly tied to work product — check. In addition to feeling a downshift in ambition, I’ve felt that energy has been taken advantage of by others over the years. I went back to school for my masters to learn something new & just graduated this May. After all this, I’ve been telling people that I want to do the least this summer. I don’t really know how to do it, but I’m feeling ambitious about not overachieving for once. ;)
Jun 13, 2023·edited Jun 13, 2023Liked by Alisha Ramos
I’m curious: do you think your ambition is inherent, or inherited based on your upbringing?
I’m 36, Hispanic, went to an Ivy, etc etc. After watching Never Have I Ever I realized that my own ambition toward hyper-achievement was a product of the way my parents raised and pushed me in that direction. (Devi pushes herself vs her mom pushing her).
It may just be my burnout talking (I’ve been on a break/sabbatical for 2.5 years), but as I untangle ambition, achievement, etc. I’ve come to realize that those qualities are not my default mode of operation.
Feel this all so much—especially the stress that arises when financial stability, ambition, and identity all get jumbled together. I think I’m still recovering from the peak burnout levels I hit in 2020. I’m working on separating my sense of self from my job, but it isn’t easy, and feels extra hard after becoming so reliant on the external validation that often comes with growing up an “overachiever!” Lots of great perspective to consider here—I’m definitely going to read Rainesford’s book!!
I’m so glad you mentioned seasons of ambition, which resonates deeply! I find my ambition shifting throughout the year—right now I’m feeling ambitious about cooking and herbalism, aligning with the abundance of fresh summer produce, while during winter months of staying in, I find it easier to immerse in my art practice. Following the tides of where our ambition wants to flow is really freeing, and trusting that these different areas will all be in service to each other.
Alisha thank you so much for this. As a highly specialized healthcare worker, I often struggle with my job being the “most interesting thing about me” and I am tired. Ambition is built into working in non-profit healthcare and I wonder who this truly benefits, since the patients are not going to benefit from an overtired workforce. Thank you for putting a name to this and making us all feel less alone.
I loved this! As someone who studied and wrote a book on perfectionism I can recognize a lot of those symptoms that I personally grappled with in this -- the not being enough, the job insecurity fear, the stagnation fears. It helps to realize that we strive to be perfect (and everything everywhere all at once) because we fear being left behind by our jobs and relationships. But this is a larger system of a capitalist inequitable system meaning.... you’re very much not alone for better or worse! We all feel this strive to push ourselves to a better place, and I love looking at it as “content” instead of “stagnant” -- loved this & excited for this step for you!
Omg Alisha- I needed this!! I'm 29 on my second career path with multiple job changes. I am very guilty of letting my job become my identity. I feel that once my ambition at a new job slows, I become fixated on how others are better at the job than I am, how I'm not good/smart/efficient enough. I've come to understand - it's not the job! As a nurse, the compassion fatigue is real- so I'm glad to have found a job where it's a bit easier to disengage at the end of the day and not take things home with me. I will be re-reading this post, it truly made me feel seen and heard. So excited for this new step in Downtime/GNI and connecting with the community!
At 50, I think that I am on the older side of your readers. I can however relate to a lot of what you write. As a mom to a newly 18 year old high school senior who is off to college in the fall, I will "warn" you that your ambition may very well move into parenting which is also not always healthy. It can turn into wanting to be the best mom, class room mom, pinterest mom.. my children should not have "less" of a mother than their friends who have stay at home mothers because I chose to have a career which is exhausting. So much of your identity can then be tied to your motherhood. It is a constant battle. Seasons of ambition can just be ambition in different areas of your life which can all be exhausting.
I really loved your piece about ambition. I am at a different cross roads in my life. I am in the process of thinking about retirement! I have been a teacher for 22 years. It is very much a part of 'who I am'. Thinking about this transition is different from yours, but still has some similarities. Who will I be once I'm retired? What will I do? Will I be bored? All of these questions and many more are going through my head.
Jun 13, 2023·edited Jun 13, 2023Liked by Alisha Ramos
I’m a freelancer/consultant so I really felt this piece. The ups, the downs, the loneliness, the confusion, the looking around for outside approval or markers of external success.
I started out freelancing so I could “be my own boss” and build a life full of joy, on *my* terms.
I wanted a life without the looming expectations from my boss and a traditional career path. So, I set off on my freelancing journey and made very little money, but was really happy. I had so much time for art and music and going on walks and hikes in the middle of the day! It felt like childhood again.
Somewhere along the way, I started making good money, and quickly lost sight of the vision of a slow and joyful life. I went full speed ahead at growth at all costs.
I like to think about things economically — it helps me make better decisions.
Before, as a freelancer, I was essentially paying money to have more time. By not taking a better paying job that would be more stressful/time consuming, I was okay with eating that opportunity cost. The values equaled out for me and made sense.
But then as I made MORE money, I had less time, and essentially paid my time and higher stress levels to have more money. At a certain level, making a fuck ton of money at the cost of time and stress might make sense for you. But I’m sure there’s also a break even point where it no longer makes any sense to keep going at a particular level of stress and money.
Keeping that front of mind for me has been SO helpful in my decision making of what clients and projects to take on, how long to take time off, and what’s an acceptable amount of stress given my income.
Finding your balance is an ever evolving task. But I believe in you!
Thank you for sharing your journey, as it’s a perspective needed more now than ever.
I’ve taken 6 weeks off work to just have fun. After 5 years of relentless work (and ambition) I just needed a break. But taking a break with no desired outcome has made coming back to a job that I don’t love a little scary. I’m hoping that the break has stretched my perspectives and, even if it didn’t lead me to a new career, it has helped somehow
Yes, yes and yes. I’m also naturally bent towards achievement, and this resonates so deeply. One thing I’ve found helpful when trying to determine whether my ambition is worth embracing or trying to curb is where it’s coming from - is this thing I’m considering or striving towards about my own personal fulfillment, or is it coming from external forces or a need for validation? It’s been especially handy lately as I navigate career decisions as a mom of two teensy babes.
This is so timely for me! I’m currently grappling with how to find safety outside of career ambition. I’m enjoying Rainesford Stauffer’s new book, listening to the recent series on the Ctrl Alt Delete podcast on success myths, and journaling on all my fears and confusions about life and my identity without a “perfect” career.
I’ve been feeling like this for months. It’s extremely helpful to know that I’m not alone. I like the part about finding ambition outside of work- I’ve really focused on finding joy and happiness in my hobbies and relationships!
Hello, first born honors track daughter here! I’ve also been running my own consultancy for 8 years now. Halfhearted job applications — check. Self worth too tightly tied to work product — check. In addition to feeling a downshift in ambition, I’ve felt that energy has been taken advantage of by others over the years. I went back to school for my masters to learn something new & just graduated this May. After all this, I’ve been telling people that I want to do the least this summer. I don’t really know how to do it, but I’m feeling ambitious about not overachieving for once. ;)
I’m curious: do you think your ambition is inherent, or inherited based on your upbringing?
I’m 36, Hispanic, went to an Ivy, etc etc. After watching Never Have I Ever I realized that my own ambition toward hyper-achievement was a product of the way my parents raised and pushed me in that direction. (Devi pushes herself vs her mom pushing her).
It may just be my burnout talking (I’ve been on a break/sabbatical for 2.5 years), but as I untangle ambition, achievement, etc. I’ve come to realize that those qualities are not my default mode of operation.
Feel this all so much—especially the stress that arises when financial stability, ambition, and identity all get jumbled together. I think I’m still recovering from the peak burnout levels I hit in 2020. I’m working on separating my sense of self from my job, but it isn’t easy, and feels extra hard after becoming so reliant on the external validation that often comes with growing up an “overachiever!” Lots of great perspective to consider here—I’m definitely going to read Rainesford’s book!!
I’m so glad you mentioned seasons of ambition, which resonates deeply! I find my ambition shifting throughout the year—right now I’m feeling ambitious about cooking and herbalism, aligning with the abundance of fresh summer produce, while during winter months of staying in, I find it easier to immerse in my art practice. Following the tides of where our ambition wants to flow is really freeing, and trusting that these different areas will all be in service to each other.
Alisha thank you so much for this. As a highly specialized healthcare worker, I often struggle with my job being the “most interesting thing about me” and I am tired. Ambition is built into working in non-profit healthcare and I wonder who this truly benefits, since the patients are not going to benefit from an overtired workforce. Thank you for putting a name to this and making us all feel less alone.
I loved this! As someone who studied and wrote a book on perfectionism I can recognize a lot of those symptoms that I personally grappled with in this -- the not being enough, the job insecurity fear, the stagnation fears. It helps to realize that we strive to be perfect (and everything everywhere all at once) because we fear being left behind by our jobs and relationships. But this is a larger system of a capitalist inequitable system meaning.... you’re very much not alone for better or worse! We all feel this strive to push ourselves to a better place, and I love looking at it as “content” instead of “stagnant” -- loved this & excited for this step for you!
Omg Alisha- I needed this!! I'm 29 on my second career path with multiple job changes. I am very guilty of letting my job become my identity. I feel that once my ambition at a new job slows, I become fixated on how others are better at the job than I am, how I'm not good/smart/efficient enough. I've come to understand - it's not the job! As a nurse, the compassion fatigue is real- so I'm glad to have found a job where it's a bit easier to disengage at the end of the day and not take things home with me. I will be re-reading this post, it truly made me feel seen and heard. So excited for this new step in Downtime/GNI and connecting with the community!
At 50, I think that I am on the older side of your readers. I can however relate to a lot of what you write. As a mom to a newly 18 year old high school senior who is off to college in the fall, I will "warn" you that your ambition may very well move into parenting which is also not always healthy. It can turn into wanting to be the best mom, class room mom, pinterest mom.. my children should not have "less" of a mother than their friends who have stay at home mothers because I chose to have a career which is exhausting. So much of your identity can then be tied to your motherhood. It is a constant battle. Seasons of ambition can just be ambition in different areas of your life which can all be exhausting.
Thank you for featuring my work/book!!
I'm feeling this a ton as a new mother. Figuring out where my ambitions lie and what actually matters is wild.
I really loved your piece about ambition. I am at a different cross roads in my life. I am in the process of thinking about retirement! I have been a teacher for 22 years. It is very much a part of 'who I am'. Thinking about this transition is different from yours, but still has some similarities. Who will I be once I'm retired? What will I do? Will I be bored? All of these questions and many more are going through my head.
I’m a freelancer/consultant so I really felt this piece. The ups, the downs, the loneliness, the confusion, the looking around for outside approval or markers of external success.
I started out freelancing so I could “be my own boss” and build a life full of joy, on *my* terms.
I wanted a life without the looming expectations from my boss and a traditional career path. So, I set off on my freelancing journey and made very little money, but was really happy. I had so much time for art and music and going on walks and hikes in the middle of the day! It felt like childhood again.
Somewhere along the way, I started making good money, and quickly lost sight of the vision of a slow and joyful life. I went full speed ahead at growth at all costs.
I like to think about things economically — it helps me make better decisions.
Before, as a freelancer, I was essentially paying money to have more time. By not taking a better paying job that would be more stressful/time consuming, I was okay with eating that opportunity cost. The values equaled out for me and made sense.
But then as I made MORE money, I had less time, and essentially paid my time and higher stress levels to have more money. At a certain level, making a fuck ton of money at the cost of time and stress might make sense for you. But I’m sure there’s also a break even point where it no longer makes any sense to keep going at a particular level of stress and money.
Keeping that front of mind for me has been SO helpful in my decision making of what clients and projects to take on, how long to take time off, and what’s an acceptable amount of stress given my income.
Finding your balance is an ever evolving task. But I believe in you!
Thank you for sharing your journey, as it’s a perspective needed more now than ever.
I’ve taken 6 weeks off work to just have fun. After 5 years of relentless work (and ambition) I just needed a break. But taking a break with no desired outcome has made coming back to a job that I don’t love a little scary. I’m hoping that the break has stretched my perspectives and, even if it didn’t lead me to a new career, it has helped somehow
Thanks for sharing!
Yes, yes and yes. I’m also naturally bent towards achievement, and this resonates so deeply. One thing I’ve found helpful when trying to determine whether my ambition is worth embracing or trying to curb is where it’s coming from - is this thing I’m considering or striving towards about my own personal fulfillment, or is it coming from external forces or a need for validation? It’s been especially handy lately as I navigate career decisions as a mom of two teensy babes.
This is so timely for me! I’m currently grappling with how to find safety outside of career ambition. I’m enjoying Rainesford Stauffer’s new book, listening to the recent series on the Ctrl Alt Delete podcast on success myths, and journaling on all my fears and confusions about life and my identity without a “perfect” career.