How I’m Getting Dressed for Real Life These Days
And the questions I ask before buying anything—and the pants I’d wear on repeat
Today’s post is in partnership with Varley and is unlocked for all subscribers.
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The other day, I found myself screenshotting a few outfit ideas I loved on Instagram to try and recreate them later. I stopped myself in the middle of this exercise, though, when I realized—wait, she’s wearing a mini skirt. That won’t work for me, nix. Wait, she’s wearing strappy heels, and that’s why this outfit looks so good. Nix this idea, too.
Over the past year or so, I’ve had to slowly cull my source of style inspiration to content creators and women who “get it” — i.e. people who are in a similar life stage as I am. This isn’t to say these people are no longer inspiring. Their style, outfit choices, and shopping preferences are simply not practical for me. As a parent to an active toddler, I’ve had to put practicality above all else when saving style inspiration and jumping into shopping mode.
There are a few questions I ask myself when deciding whether an article of clothing is right for me at this stage of my life.
My “Should I Buy It?” Practicality Checklist
Can I chase, climb, and squat in this easily? Is the item too tight or meant to be slim fitting, i.e., can I move freely in it? I wore thin-strap flip-flops to the playground a few weeks ago and totally regretted it. I had to readjust my feet so I wouldn’t slip out of them, and they weren’t exactly the most comfortable choice for climbing the steps on the play set. (I also wore a shoulder bag rather than a more practical crossbody, and I was cursing myself the whole time!)
Can I wear this item or outfit without feeling “over-the-top” in my real, day-to-day life? I’m okay with being the overdressed one in a group, but wearing a blazer to the park or grocery store will raise eyebrows.
Is this item intended for my fantasy life or my real life? I admit that many of the style inspiration I’m drawn to usually photos shot in a gorgeous, sunny locale, outfit photos clearly taken while someone is on vacation—or pictures taken by someone who, again, is in a very different life stage than I am (the way I would never wear a white dress anywhere these days….).
Today’s post is in partnership with Varley. I’ve been wearing a few Varley pieces on rotation this summer—especially their Relaxed Pant, which somehow pulls off that rare trifecta: soft enough to sleep in, structured enough to wear to brunch, and practical enough for toddler-wrangling. (The 25” inseam actually works on me! Short people, rejoice.) It’s the kind of outfit that makes you feel quietly pulled together—even if your day mostly involves cutting strawberries and wiping up spills.
Prioritizing practicality doesn’t have to mean feeling schlubby, though. I use a few guidelines to make sure I still feel “pulled together” even if the entirety of that day’s activities involves taking my daughter to the nearby park for a few hours.
How to Feel Pulled Together While Wearing Very Comfortable Clothes
Add some “polish” in the form of hardware, usually jewelry, shoes, or your bag. When all of your clothes are on the “softer” side, it helps to add something a bit “hard” to add contrast and refinement. I believe it was Anna Newton and Angie Uh who drilled this idea into my head! It’s such a simple idea that makes a big difference.
Above: I’m wearing these high-rise shorts and this top. I like that many of Varley’s pieces already come with high-quality zippers, which add just a touch of polish. I added some necklaces, a ring, a watch, and earrings here. To take it up a notch, I’d probably choose shoes that have hardware. 
In this style inspo photo I have saved (via Another Nué), the outfit is all soft — soft pants, soft sweater, soft hair, and flats. But she’s added a golden cuff and a highly structured leather crossbody to add some polish. I love it so much, and it works! If you’re going to wear sweatpants, invest in some nice ones. Look for fabrics that won’t pill, feel soft against the skin, and are thick enough to feel appropriate for popping out for errands. If there are small details that elevate the pants, even better. I have and love Varley’s sweats (below I’m wearing the slim leg version with a cute zipper at the ankle) for this particular use case. I can wear them at home on a slow day, on an airplane for a travel day, or when popping out to the grocery store or doing daycare pickup without feeling self-conscious. When I wore these to a casual family pizza lunch, my husband immediately commented, “You look so comfortable.” And reader, I really was.
Lounged in these all day…and went out for pizza, too. 
The little zipper detail! Go monochrome. When in doubt, wearing all of one color or opting for a tonal palette does wonders for elevating something from “hmm” to “this feels like an intentional outfit.” An easy cheat code! We love a set.
Another moment for this set with the SANDALS!! Suede, ecru, with silver hardware. Chef’s kiss.
Now, pulling all of these guidelines and learnings together, here’s a comfortable ‘fit I’d love to wear…
This Week’s Recs
Cooking: Hetty McKinnon’s noodle okonomiyaki*—my husband made this on Tuesday and wow, it was so delicious. Think: a giant noodle-y scallion pancake. Even our daughter gobbled it all up. *NYT Cooking gift link.
Reading: The Sirens by Emilia Hart. After much debate last week, I decided to dive into this book and so far, I’m glad I did. The tone is mysterious, dark, and alluring. The writing is transportive and immersive, with a dual POV structure that bounces back and forth between two women protagonists—one in 2019 and one in the 1800s—who seem to be mysteriously connected. Due to its seaside setting, this book feels like a good summer read, despite its dark nature. If you can, I suggest picking it up in hard copy, as the sprayed edge design is beautiful! (Many of you have recommended that I read Weyward by the same author, and now I really want to!)
Lighting: The Flamingo Estate tomato candle (you’ve likely seen it all over social media…) was graciously sent to me by the brand and I was reminded of why I love it so much. It smells more herbaceous than tomato-y—like the green stems, with a subtle sweetness underneath. Their products (I love their olive oil) make great, fancy anytime gifts: unique, beautifully packaged, and always a hit.
Carrying: This mini bucket bag* in a neutral-but-not-boring rust color. I’d been searching for something that can switch from a top-handle ladylike bag into a crossbody, and this does exactly that with the included strap. Hands-free is KEY on the weekends whilst I’m on mom duty! *note: this was gifted to me by the brand
Fun Links & Downtime Discoveries
3 whimsical finds for the home…
A tulip goblet. Fun and doubles as decor.
A brass clover hook. Would be great in a bathroom, kids’ room, or mud room.
Handmade sterling silver shell spoons. Can you imagine serving herbed salts or spice blends (for grilled corn, meats, or salads) at a summer gathering with these? 🤌 (Warning before you yell at me: the price tag is $$$)
4 delightful distractions:
A buzzy book release: I loved reading this TIME cover profile on popular author Taylor Jenkins Reid. I admit I didn’t love Evelyn Hugo, but I’m excited to read the newly-released Atmosphere, a book set in the 1980s about a group of people training at NASA to become astronauts, with a romance in the mix, too. It sounds like a thrilling, fast-paced read that sounds very Top Gun meets Armageddon coded (I could be wrong, I haven’t read it yet!). I’m looking forward to grabbing it this weekend. Has anyone read it yet?
Someone I want to root for: Ravneet Gill (of Junior Bake Off fame) has a new video series on IG all about opening up her new restaurant with her partner. Do I know where Chingford, UK is located? No, not at all. But I am gobbling. up. every. episode like it’s my new binge-able TV show. (I just love her.)
Book cover conundrum: I asked our reader group chat about how to find books without the giant, ugly (I’m sorry) celebrity book club stickers on them. And guys, this book sticker recommendation from Anya is blowing my mind. The innovation!!
Just for fun: ICYMI, this was an unexpected video of Duchess Meghan dancing in the hospital to induce labor. I’m sure the video received lots of hate on the internet (nothing new), but I found it to be charming and cute and feel-good.
Final q for you: Do you have a favorite summer veggie side or salad recipe? Need some fresh ideas to bring to a BBQ!
Love this! Having a 3.5 year old, I either live in shorts or dresses with thigh society shorts under them during the summer in order to actually do life.
Farro salads are my favorite to bring places if you’re not worried about gluten. This one is a great one: https://www.howsweeteats.com/2020/08/zucchini-farro-salad/
If you’re looking for a grain-free salad, I often mix corn, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, and avocado with a lime juice vinaigrette and toss in some feta during the summer. People always eat it up.
Those book stickers blew my mind!